Humans are creatures of habit: we like what we like, we stick with what we like, and we don’t like it when others tell us what to like. And nowhere is this more apparent to me than when my family and I are at Blockbuster. Finding a movie that six people will be willing to watch can be taxing, and it’s even worse considering my family’s strict taste in movies. In my household, I can break down the movies we watch into two categories: 1) DRAMA (and by drama, I basically mean movies about Nazi concentration camps. Know what I’m talking about? My parents are all about the based on a true story, minimum of two innocent children dying, three hours of bonus features (including interviews with the real life people), ambiguous title sort of movies) and 2) MADE FOR KIDS (Criteria: has to be rated G or PG, no nakedness or excessive PDA’s, limited conflict, and a happy ending). Through this description, it’s easy to see where my parents and three younger sisters fit: my parents only want to watch movies about death, and my sisters only want to watch movies about penguins or fish named Nemo. This leaves me stuck in a weird zone, where if I want to see a pointless, made for $15,000 movie about college students who can’t conjugate verbs, I have to watch it on my own. All of this adds up to a big dilemma whenever we try to rent a movie.

     Last week, my family and I were at Blockbuster, examining the movies on the top-rented movies shelf (anyone reading this probably has no idea what I’m talking about because most people haven’t stepped foot in a Blockbuster in at least two years. Redbox and Netflix are just more convenient, and in a few years the only members of Blockbuster are going to be adults over 50…and me), when I came to the conclusion that there was nothing to watch. Seriously, “Funny Guys” just wasn’t going to cut it for us. “Shrek 7” was already sold out, “Despicable Me” wasn’t out yet, and we had already watched “How To Train Your Dragon” (two quick things about this movie: 1) The title should have been “How To Train A Dragon” and 2) Toothless the Dragon was sooooooooo adorable). We were forced to browse around the store, and still, we could not agree on anything. Finally, after some time, I suggested to my family that we rent “The Last Song” starring Miley Cyrus. 

     Ok, let me explain. We were in the store for a loooooong time, I was tired, and I needed to find a movie quickly. Like I said in the beginning, we all have our own unalterable preferences, and sometimes it takes a bigger person to make a sacrifice for the good of the whole. And that’s what I did. Yes, I rented “The Last Song,” but I did it for my siblings (and so I didn’t have to watch “Titanic”). That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. Ok sure, I did watch the movie, but it’s not like I liked it…that much. So all you haters best stop drinking the Hateraid! I made a decision, and now I moving forward. Did I feel like I needed to justify that decision? Sure, but that’s a personal choice.

The Morals of the Story: 

1) Miley Cyrus has a -7% chance of having a future acting career.

2) To avoid conflict, you have to be willing to look like a fool in front of your entire family.

3) When in doubt, rent “Inception.”

July 14, 2010

9:18: So yesterday I went ahead and recorded a cover of “Break Your Heart” by Taio Cruz on the piano. I’m telling you, trying to have a recording session while your family watches Cake Boss is pretty high on my level of difficulty scale (my level of difficulty scale ranges from taking a poop to trying to climb Mount Everest on roller skates). I did manage to get it done and put the song on my iPod. It’s weird hearing a recording that you make yourself. It’s easy to turn into your own biggest critic. But when I stepped away and just took it for what it was worth, it was a pretty awesome feeling (I’ve listened to it at least 6 times today). I always wonder what artists and actors think about their work. It has to be strange for an artist like Jason Mraz to hear himself on the radio, or an actor like Brad Pitt to watch a movie he stars in. I mean Lady Gaga is on the radio every single day. If she’s in a club, there’s a 103% chance they’ll play one of her songs. I just hope she doesn’t hear Bad Romance and start acting out her music video. It could get dirty (that’s what Alejandro said).

10:09: Just came across a person with the last name Sweat. You know your last name is cool when it’s named after a bodily secretion.

1:23: Had an awesome intern lunch today: lots of good food, a fun presentation, and nice conversation. Kristi Marsella (the guest speaker) talked about our personal strengths and explained where our energies lie, whether it is in exploring, exciting, examining, or executing. There are a few things that got me thinking. 1) Super-detailed-high-examining-must-criticize-five-year-olds-on-America’s-Got-Talent-type people are very easy to recognize. We all have the friends that correct our spelling during text conversations, that will color coordinate their closet, and that will overanalyze the last season of Lost (be careful of these people, they are known to bite). 2) During the course of the presentation, a slide about a person named Marilyn Librarian was shown, and the phrase “Analysis Paralysis” was said. I feel like I just won the lottery. I think people should rhyme all the time…wow I’m good at this. 3) There was a slide that said “Maximize Your Sense of Satisfaction in Your Work.” I laughed and said “That’s what she said.” It’s safe to say, I was the only one that thought it was funny.

2:02: Wow, 2:02 is a numerical palindrome…ok I am really not gaining any cool points today.

2:20: Just sent an email to “Rude, John” …….hmm.

So I really do not know why I’m writing, but I’ve just felt a sudden urge too. I’m one of those people who would be terrible at keeping a journal, but since I have time, I’ll go ahead and explain at least what is happening now. Maybe I’ll call it “A Day in the Life of a Cubicle” or “Of Mice and Wine: Insights from a Gallo Intern.” Ok, so the title needs some work. Big deal! I have all summer to decide on it.

Now, I’ve come up with a fairly outrageous idea. In life, there are always crazy things that happen. We just often don’t have the perspective to realize it. The simple act of eating a sandwich has the potential of being the greatest part of our day, if only we can look at the situation through a different lens. I’m not guaranteeing any life changing epiphanies (save that for Oprah), but I’m going to try to at least be semi-entertaining. Let’s just hope that eating a sandwich isn’t the most exciting part of my day…

July 13, 2010

9:07 am: Sitting in my cubicle (Okay, I have definitely got to work on this being interesting thing).

9:21 am: Just realized that I forgot to inform you all on the set-up of my cubicle! Ok, so where I sit there is a laptop (which I am typing on), a computer (which I do not use), a label machine (which doesn’t work), and a phone (parentheses). If you noticed, I used a lot of (parentheses) in that last sentence. I like the use of parentheses because it lets me say random things, without taking away from the important stuff. For example, I could say “I ate a ham sandwich (Grape nuts! No Grape, No Nuts! What’s up with that stuff!?),” and it wouldn’t take away from the fact that I ate a ham sandwich. So…….yeah.

9:31 am: Jacqueline is playing solitaire.

9:36 am: Directly in front of me is a white board, which hangs on the wall. It was just sort of sitting there, so I took the initiative of writing random things on it. I’m pretty unoriginal so I tend to just look online for funny quotes (and yes, I’m so lame I actually Googled “Funny Quotes”). The quote of the day is “Aibohphobia. Definition: The Fear of Palindromes.” I just thought it was funny because some dude made the definition of a fear of palindromes, a palindrome. Now that’s some cruelness I can get behind. I do have two thoughts on this though. 1) How the heck can someone have a fear of palindromes!? Like what if they got a text that said “Lol”? Would they systematically have a brain aneurysm? Hey! It’s a legitimate question. 2) What if people did this sort of thing with other phobias? This is equivalent to including an actual Black Widow spider squished in a Webster’s Dictionary (didn’t know the dictionary belonged to Webster) right next to the definition of arachnophobia, while an arachnophobe read the entry! I like it.

9:52 am: Just went to the bathroom. Being here a few weeks, I have realized something interesting about the bathroom situation at Gallo. In the morning (like from 8-10) a lot of guys go poop. I have to say, when I walk in there it’s pretty awkward sometimes. My advice if you ever work in the Operations Building at Gallo, try to use the bathroom in the afternoon. And NEVER go in at 9:52…just saying.

10:14 am: “Parenthesis” is singular and “parentheses” is plural. I just looked that up online.

10:46 am: Just went on break and walked around the building a little bit. As we (Jacqueline, Mackenzie, and I) were passed by an old lady on the path, Mackenzie said something about being wasted. It was pretty awkward, but at least the lady didn’t turn around and glare…that would have made it really awkward. (I wish there was a word to describe super awkward. We’ve all been in those situations where the word awkward just doesn’t do the situation justice. I propose: oh-crap-I-feel-like-that-wanna-get-away-guy-from-the-southwest-airlines-commercials or OCIFLTWGAGFTSAC for short. I admit it needs some work.

11:06 am: Last week, a few of the interns and I were discussing prom and Jacqueline described one girl as “trying to fit her 8 pounds of potatoes in a 5 pound sack.” Enough said.

11:09 am: An employee in the cubicle next to me said “This position is in transition.” That rhymes!!!

11:14 am: Jacqueline was complaining about how hot the office was, and then she said that I was “not cool.” Lol, that’s a heat pun. And don’t hate, I can type lol if I want to.

11:32 am: Helen Keller once said “_________”

11:55 am: Just typed my 9,491^st word of the Gallo report I am working on. Oh yes, this is the life.

1:05 pm: My computer screen currently reads 1:05 p.m. My last entry was 11:55 a.m. It got me thinking: What the heck do a.m. and p.m. mean? Well, like any normal person I googled it (spell check told me googled isn’t a word. I think it needs a visit from Urban Dictionary). The result: your random-stupid-you-could-only-possibly-use-this-on-Jeopardy fact of the day. A.M. (can be written A.M., a.m., or am) stands for ante meridiem (before midday), while P.M. stands for post meridiem (after midday). Also, did you know that AM has its own Wikipedia page!? Apparently AM can refer to the chemical symbol for Americium, an Attometre (a unit of length), A minor, or the Hebrew word for “people, nation.” Wow, I think I just gained some cool points…or not….yeah I’m siding with the not.

2:21 pm: You know office gossip is really good when there is no talking but just a crazy amount of pantomiming (it looks like they are having a seizure without the seizure part).

2:35 pm: I wish humans had three thumbs. We would finally have the chance to give awesome movies justice. Instead of just two thumbs up, movies like Toy Story, Toy Story 2, and Toy Story 3 would be elevated to three thumbs up. And seriously, how can anyone accurately rate movies with only two thumbs? Ebert and Roeper should get it together (Roeper is a funny last name. If I had that last name, I’d name my son The Grim).

2:46 pm: Don’t you hate those times when you’re on the phone with someone and both of you say something at the same time? I find it funny how there is always an awkward pause that comes afterword. I think that’s why we invented Jinx. We did it so that when two people said the same thing at the same time, they could save themselves from the awkward pause.

3:17 pm: Mackenzie taught me an amazing tactic for wasting time at the office. The trick is to fill your water bottle only half way (or if you’re Mackenzie an eighth of the way), so that you constantly have to get up to refill it. Genius.

3:20 pm: A big part of being an intern here is being in the flow of intern email chains. About 99 percent of the emails are responses to other emails, indicated by RE. I wasn’t sure what that meant, so naturally I typed it in Wikipedia. The awesome thing is that it referred me to Wiktionary! (I’ve known about Wikipedia for years, but how was I out of the loop on Wiktionary? Two thoughts: 1) I love the concept. It’s like a cross between Webster’s and Urban Dictionary. 2) I love the combination of Wiki and Dictionary into Wiktionary! It’s just fun to say. Other great combination words include fantasterific, wondertastic and preposterageous). Anyway, RE stands for reply…yeah.

3:50 pm: Currently there is an ongoing game I am playing with fellow interns. I formulated it last year and I have to say that it should be included in the Olympics. I call it “Fail.” The game goes like this. You write the word “Fail” on Post-It Notes and place it in random places within people’s cubicles. The trick is to put the Post-Its out of plain sight so that when an intern looks in a desk or glances at a wall, they can feel like a failure. The satisfaction comes from someone else’s suffering. I like it. Updates on the game will be made.

3:57 pm: I’ve had something known as the HR 30 explained to me. Apparently, new people in the Human Resources Department gain an average of 30 pounds their first year (think Freshman 15) because of the insane amount of cake and candy that is in the area. This could be an interesting development.

4:29 pm: An HR Representative said “Use what you can to get what you want.” I don’t know what the context of the conversation was, but the quote follows the Fortune Cookie Theory (It sounds better with the phrase “in bed” at the end).

4:46 pm: Corollary to my Grim Roeper comment: In the fifth grade, there was a story that was published in the school newspaper. It was about the Grim Raper. I love it when elementary school kids can’t spell.

4:51 pm: I wish there was a 10-Hour Energy drink.

4:55 pm: Just realized that it’s Tuesday the 13^th! Hmm, I wonder what made Friday the 13^th so evil.

4:58 pm: Got an email telling me to turn around. Was there a Fail Post-It Note there to greet me? Yes.